Ovomit Fake News

Updated: 5-17-12
The pictures and stories are not necessarily related to each other, but they sure look like it.

A 52-year-old thief is behind bars and watched around the clock, because after stealing a $20,000 diamond, he reportedly swallowed the stone. As such, police are now waiting for the man to make a bowel movement, so that they can retrieve the expensive jewel.
“We are monitoring his bowel movements, if you will,” Sgt. Brett Corey told the station.. “Our forensic identification people are the lucky ones who have to go through the waste to obtain the diamond once it passes.”
Lack of 7-Eleven sausages sends Bridgeton woman into frenzy BRIDGETON — A woman who was angry that 7-Eleven did not have any fully-heated sausages for her started attacking an employee and ultimately had to be pepper-sprayed, police said Friday.
Gay Man, Unattractive Woman Form Tight Bond
“They’re always giving each other these little looks that only they understand,” said Karen Bilblach, a longtime friend of Ayler’s. “At first, I thought something was going on between them, like secret sex, but Debbie assured me there’s nothing like that. It’s like they’re playing house or something.” “There’s this place in the neighborhood called The Crowbar that we’ve been going to lately,” Ayler said. “We have the best time there, dancing and checking out all the guys. Sometimes, we’ll just sit at a table with a pitcher of beer and rate all the guys’ buns as they walk past. It’s so hilarious!”
How to Repel Monkeys from Residential Areas
The common perception is that monkeys are cute and nice. Unaware people might even be tempted to feed them and treat them as pets. However, wild monkeys are wild animals and become pests when they ravage gardens and ransack houses. When monkeys move in a group, they can become threatening and dangerous: they have been known to attack children to steal food, attack isolated people and even dogs.
Cape Town Man Rapes Poodle, Claims She Was “Asking For It” A 47-year-old resident of Lavender Hill, was caught by his neighbor raping the horrified owner’s small poodle, and would not stop when confronted.
“According to the witnesses, the suspect told them to leave him alone when they tried to stop him. He said he must finish because he couldn’t start and then stop because that wasn’t right,” a source told IOL.
“He allegedly also said that the dog mustn’t flaunt herself like that to him.” He was arrested but released on bail the next day. He is facing criminal charges, after it was found that the dog suffered permanent genital damage from the attack.
Annandale civic association elects dog as president Though unfamiliar with Lee’s name, the crowd of about 50 raised their hands, assuming that the candidate was a civic-minded newcomer. These days, it’s hard to get anyone to volunteer to devote the time needed to serve as an officer. The slate that Lee headed was unanimously elected. Everyone ate ice cream, watched a karate demonstration and went home. Only weeks later did many discover that their new president was, in fact, a dog.
Ms. Beatha Lee is a shaggy, dirty-white wheaten terrier.

Cross-dressing purse-snatcher loses fake breast A cross-dressing robber snatched a 74-year-old woman’s purse in St. Lucie West on Tuesday before a faux breast popped out of his tube top, according to a police report released Thursday.
The alleged female-impersonating robber then hopped into a four-door silver getaway car occupied by possibly two other men in drag and sped off, leaving the victim and the faux breast — a water-filled condom in a white gym sock — at the scene.
“We’re processing the condom for latent prints,” said Officer Robert Vega, police spokesman.

QUEERLY BELOVED
Obama, Holder contend homosexuality ‘immutable’
AG confirms Justice no longer will defend Defense of Marriage lawsuits

Barack Obama today contended that homosexuality is “immutable” as part of his decision, announced by Attorney General Eric Holder, that the Department of Justice would not defend a number of lawsuits challenging the federal Defense of Marriage Act’s definition for federal purposes of marriage as involving one man and one woman only.
New Sketch Of Serial Groper Suspect A new composite sketch of a man police say has been terrorizing women and girls in Chula Vista since September was released during a community forum Thursday night. He’s the same man seen in a previous sketch who investigators have linked to the attacks of least 14 victims. “It’s disgusting and I feel very sorry for the ones that have been assaulted by him,”said Chula Vista resident Vanessa Ringgold. In almost every case the suspect attacked the victims by grabbing at them and then running. “We do have one instance where he actually bit the victim and then ran,”said Lt. Phil Collum.
Police Use Stun Gun To Tackle ‘God’ Colorado Springs police used a stun gun early Thursday morning to try to stop a man calling himself ‘God’ from what was originally reported as an attempted burglary.
The incident happened at an apartment complex just north of Austin Bluffs Parkway and North Academy Boulevard around 3:40 a.m. Thursday. When police arrived, they said a man claiming to be God charged for them, a police report said.
48 Year old man with teen-age girl The sex of course would be great with a beautiful, fresh young girl but I am really curious about the type of convo and things we would do. I don’t intend to use then discard her. They are beautiful young flowers.
State law says I can go down to age 16. Not jail bait. Below 16 is.
I want to know how you would react (if at all) seeing a clean cut older man with a very young girl in public.
Flier Blames Tabasco Spill For Lewd Act
Cops: Man exposed self to girl, 17, on SkyWest flight
Arrested this week for allegedly masturbating while seated next to a teenage girl on an airplane flight, the 50-year-old suspect told police that he was actually massaging and itching himself because he had spilled Tabasco sauce on his penis.
Court bans man with low IQ from having sex
A man with a low IQ has been banned from having sex by a High Court judge who admitted the case raised questions about “civil liberties and personal autonomy”.
Miami Mother Arrested for Abandoning Disabled Son at SeaWorld Rosa Marie Pou, 44 of Miami, was arrested yesterday after allegedly abandoning her severely disabled son at the SeaWorld amusement park in Orlando and then laughing about it. Her son has severe mental and developmental disabilities, and police originally thought he was about 8-years-old when they found him alone in a play area for children at the park. The son, according to various reports, is actually 18 or 21 years old.

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About reportanddeport

I am a Native American of European Ancestry. I am married to a REAL immigrant from The Philippines, who I actually got a VISA for, before I brought her to the U.S.A. It just seems only fair to me that EVERYONE should have to get a visa before they come to America. And if they come here WITHOUT a visa, then they should be sent home and NOT given a special pass because they are of a certain ethnic group or because they "work hard". I work hard too AND I OBEY THE LAW.
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